In Florida, the law says you may be paid for your living expenses, which is basically a nice term for a fee. It’s nothing compared to what you are doing—there is no number that could be put on that. Some agencies and practices tend to lowball surrogates, and I think that’s so wrong and unfair. In my practice, a first-time surrogate could pretty much expect to get a base of about $35,000 and then all the extras on top of that for such things as maternity clothes, pre-natal yoga classes, pre-natal massages, lost wages if she were put on bed rest, and bed rest allowance for a nanny to care for her children and a housekeeper to clean her house. There are a lot of extras.
Of course, it’s expected and hoped that, as a surrogate, you will maintain the absolute best health and have a happy and healthy pregnancy. It’s also expected that you would be open in communication with the family. Oftentimes, the intended parents live 3,000 miles away, and they’ve had six miscarriages of their own and want to be involved in the pregnancy. It’s not very practical or maybe even physically possible for them to come to every doctor visit, so I have surrogates who take their phone and Facetime with the intended parents so they can see the discovery of the heartbeat, even all the way from Argentina. A lot of the families will at least come for big appointments like the one where they determine the sex of the baby. It’s basically having a relationship and appreciating what these people have been through because I can’t tell you how sad it is. My heart breaks for some of these women particularly, who have just been through so much for so many years trying to have a child. They are so appreciative of any tidbits that the surrogate will share with them, and we have some relationships that are closer than others.
There’s no expectation to stay in touch with them afterwards, other than just friends, maybe with a Christmas card. Some people do visit. It’s very individual as the relationship develops, but it’s rare that it’s strictly business. I actually don’t feel comfortable with that when it’s strictly business, and if the relationship looks like it might evolve into that, I’ll try to mediate.
Surrogates should also try to eat well. I tell families if they want her to eat organic, which is great, then they need to put in an extra allowance to shop at the organic market because it’s so much more expensive than the regular grocery store. I sometimes see families ask the surrogate to keep kosher.
We put all of those things in the contract, and that’s why it is so important to match the right surrogate to the right couple or individual.
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